Crazy, Stupid Love
by I Have a Paper Heart
Summary: She had an attitude problem. She wasn't afraid of him. She would NOT take any of his crap. At least three times a week she'd try to escape... and he couldn't help but to like her for it. Who'd have thought holding a girl for ransom would be so much work? DeadpoolxOC
1. Knight in Shining Armour

**_This is a repost with edits! Thank you to Goddess of Destiny for betaing this chapter! Chapter 2 will be up with the next 24 hours. Just some last minute tweeks to be done! :)_**

**Well hello there! Welcome to my fanfic starring Deadpool, the Merc with the Mouth himself! I love Deadpool, I think he's an awesome character. He's funny, absolutely mental, he breaks the fourth wall and he's got so many insecurities about himself. Who could resist toying with a character like him? When reading this it does help to have some background knowledge on him from the comics, but I've posted it in the movie section because I don't think I know enough about the Marvel Comic universe to do this properly. But who knows, I might move it eventually.**

**Now there's no X-men in this chapter but you will see them soon enough! So for now sit back, relax and enjoy! **

**Oh! And review! Pretty please? I'd love to know what you think!**

**P.S. the bold and italics are Deadpool's thought boxes. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Love is spending your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'd miss them. ~anon._

* * *

With a shaking hand, Archibald Winter wiped away the beading sweat from his receding hairline. He sucked in a shuddering breath and cleared his throat, praying that when he spoke, his voice would come across as confident and in control. He didn't have high hopes for such an occurrence, but if he had ever needed to convey an aura of authority, now was the time.

Archibald pulled at his tie. No matter how much he loosened it, it seemed to be choking him. When had his office become so hot?

He eyed the man sitting across from him warily. Certainly a more… peculiar individual than what he had been led to believe from the advertisements. The, uh_, gentleman_ sat reclined in the chair with his feet rested leisurely on Archibald's expensive desk. He toyed casually with a long blade. It had been rather shocking to see him enter the room with it strapped to his thigh. Not to mention the belt laden with grenades, at least six different firearms, and a katana sheathed upon his back.

Archibald gulped.

This man made him uneasy. And it wasn't even the arsenal he had strutted into the office with… it was the full body spandex suit. What sensible grown man got about covered from head to toe in red and black spandex? If he were going for anonymity surely he would have picked out something a little more… subtle.

Archibald's brow furrowed with concern as he watched this man who seemed quite content to sit in a strangers office and sing to himself whilst playing the air guitar – quite violently too, he would add.

"Everybody's workin' for the weekend _BAH na na na na na NOOOOW_!"

This was a bad idea.

He was deranged. He had to be. Archibald dabbed at his brow once again. Even through the mask, he could see the man smirking at him – he clearly enjoyed how uncomfortable he was able to make him.

"So," Archibald began in a strained voice, "Mr Deadpool-"

"Hey, you wouldn't have any food around here would ya?" Deadpool cut him off. "Not that you need any." He glanced quickly at Archibald's stomach then turned to lean back and call out the office door to Archibald's assistant. "I'm freakin' starving man, could we get some hotdogs up in here?"

"Mr Deadpool-" Archibald attempted.

"Yowzah!" Deadpool exclaimed, as Archibald's assistant poked her head through the door uncertainly. "How you doin', sweetheart?"

She shot an uncertain look in Deadpool's direction. "Is there anything I can get for you Mr Winter?" she asked timidly.

"No thank you, Pam," Archibald replied impatiently. "Please shut the door behind you."

"I'll get your number on my way out, hon!" Deadpool shouted just before the door clicked shut. "Man, she is _smokin'!_ Did get the vibe that she was into me? I got the vibe that she was into me. Man, this job kicks ass! Fat pay check_ and_ a hot date. I really owe you one bro. Here, slam it!"

Archibald watched, utterly gobsmacked as the moron leaned forward and extended his fist.

"Come on man, don't leave me hanging!" He wiggled his fist around expectantly.

"Mr Deadpool!" he snapped, slamming his hand down on his desk. It was an action that always startled his employees into silence. Deadpool, however, seemed completely unfazed. "This is a serious matter! My daughter has been kidnapped! I don't have time to waste on an obvious imbecile! I was told that you were the best there is but it seems there has been a great mistake, so if you would be so kind as to leave my office-"

Archibald's sentence died on his lips when he suddenly had the barrel of a gun pressed up against his nose. He suppressed a shudder in an attempt to remain still, managing to tear his eyes from the weapon to meet the wicked glare of this masked psychopath.

"Lemme stop you right there, Archie," Deadpool said casually, well… _almost_ casually. There was something so menacing in the undertones of his speech. "I _am_ the best there is. You got a job for me? I'll get it done. But I don't want to hear nothing until we discuss my payment."

"Y-yes," Archibald replied, trying to remain calm, "yes, of course. Whatever works best for you."

Deadpool watched him for a moment before whipping his gun away.

"Good," he said happily, plonking back down into his seat as if nothing had happened. "I want $50,000 for a job like this. Cash. And any expenses that might arise? You cough up for them too."  
Archibald nodded stiffly and reached under his desk. He pulled out a briefcase and clicked it open, revealing neat rows of crisp bills.

"$20,000," he told Deadpool, calmly. "You'll have the rest when I have my daughter returned to me safely."

"You got yourself a deal, fat boy!" Deadpool exclaimed.

Archibald's hand came to his rather swollen belly and he opened his mouth to protest, but before he could the mercenary spoke again.

"So, what do we know?"

"Three nights ago," Archibald began, fighting the lump that swelled in his throat, "my daughter was taken off the street, dragged into a van and taken God knows where. Any witnesses who have come forth have little to nothing to offer. I've received no note for ransom. Whoever has taken her should have been in contact by now if they wanted something. But there's been no sign of them anywhere. The police are at a loss."

"Of course they are!" Deadpool shrugged. "It's the fuzz! They don't know what they're doing… Remember that one time with the… well, that wasn't exactly my fault was it? …how was I supposed to know he couldn't swim?! …exactly, that's why I don't own a cat!"

"Who are you talking to?"

"The boxes," he replied, pointing upward and to nowhere in particular.

After a moment's hesitation, Archibald went on, "Anyway, a woman who witnessed the kidnapping sat with a sketch artist… they came up with this. I'm afraid it's all we have to go on."

Archibald pushed a drawing towards Deadpool who picked it up and inspected it for a moment before mumbling, "Mutant…"

"Mr. Deadpool?"

Deadpool's eyes shot up and he grinned. "Tubby," he said confidently, "this is going to be a piece of cake."

* * *

Lillian strained against the cuffs clamped tight around her wrists yet again and let out a frustrated huff. She'd been cuffed to that chair for three days now and her wrists were red raw from attempting to get free. Her back and her arms ached from being stuck in that position and all the fear she had been feeling when they had first taken her was slowly transforming into impatience.

_What were they waiting for? _

They'd had her for _three days_ now and no one had spoken a word to her. Twice a day, someone would come in and spoon feed her some God-awful broth, escort her to the bathroom, return her to that wretched chair and then leave her in solitude once again.

All she wanted was to know what was going on.

She had tried to get answers. On the first day she had called for help but no one had come. She'd tried to question whoever was feeding her but they'd just force more of the disgusting slosh down her throat. After losing her patience, she'd stomped on her toilet escort's foot and demanded to be told where she was and what the hell was going on! But all that had earned her was a smack in the back of the head. So finally, she'd resorted back to struggling against the handcuffs. She knew it was pointless but hey, what else was there for her to do?

She was blindfolded. Whoever it was that had taken her hadn't let her see light since they had thrown her in the back of their van.

The memory was hazy. The throbbing in the back of her skull indicated that she'd hit her head pretty hard trying to fight them off. She'd been alone, walking just a few blocks from her house, the sun only just having set when a van had come screeching around the corner. She'd whipped around to see where the noise had come from when, quicker than she could react, three men had leapt out at her. In a matter of seconds they'd fastened a collar around her neck, put a bag over her head and slammed her into the ground. She'd screamed for help but no one had heard, and as they carried her into the van, she kicked and hit and scratched but it had all been in vain.

She'd awoken to rough hands pulling her out of the van and hauling her inside some building. They'd sat her down in that wretched chair and that was that. They'd left her there.

Tears sprang into her eyes but she blinked them back furiously. She would _not _cry. No matter what. She wouldn't be one of those helpless girls who snivelled in a dark corner and begged to be saved.

_But I am helpless_, she thought miserably. _All that differs between me and those girls in the trashy horror movies are some tears and some snot… oh, and the blood of course…_

Lillian shuddered and shook her head, willing the thought away. She couldn't think like that. She had to remain composed. Whatever these people wanted, there had to be a way out of it. There was always something that could be done. She just had to keep a level head.

But the collar… Fear bubbled up inside her again. They had they known to-

That train of thought was cut short by a distant sound. Lillian froze, listening. Gunshots? That was definitely the sound of gun shots.

Silence… more gunshots. Those were closer. She heard footsteps, people running towards the noise– shouting.

Gunshots.

Lillian's heart began to race and she strained against the handcuffs again.

"Ok," she whispered to herself, "you're ok. Just stay calm."

Gunshots. Loud ones…Screams… Gunshots. Whoever was out there was killing their way through, and fast.

Lillian sucked in a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. Every few seconds the sound of gun fire was edging closer and all she could do was sit there helplessly, with the trembling in her hands growing worse at the sound of every bullet that was fired. She took solace in the fact that whatever was going on out there had nothing to do with her. How could it? She had no clue who any of them even were! This was probably to do with some turf war between rival gangs… something like that. No, she would be fine. She was most likely locked away in some tiny little room off of some insignificant hallway that no one need use. She just had to sit there quietly until it was over. She could worry about finding a way out of this whole mess later. For the time being, she just had to stay quiet and remain unfound.

Outside, someone jiggled the door handle.

Well, shit.

"God damn it…" came a muffled voice from just beyond the door. "You think I haven't tried that yet? ...well what the hell else… actually that's a good idea!"

There was a beat of silence before- BANG! Lillian felt a small push of wind blow against her face as the door was kicked open.

"Honey, I'm home!" called a cheery voice.

Lillian shrunk back as the stranger approached her. "Who's there?" she asked. "Who are you?"

Suddenly, the blindfold was ripped away and Lillian snapped her eyes closed against the blinding light. It had all happened so quickly. What the hell was going on? Desperately, she tried to open her eyes again, blinking her vision into focus.

"Gah!" she exclaimed, when she opened her eyes to find herself face to face with a red and black mask.

"Howdy Ma'am!" The masked man drawled in a terrible attempt at a southern accent. "Deadpool's the name! Saving damsels in distress is the game!"

Lillian stared blankly, her mouth agape.

"No?" Deadpool scratched his chin, "Alright, how about this? Good evening miss, my name is Deadpool and I will be your knight in shining armour for this evening. Tonight's house special is a dish of our finest bullets imbedded into the heads of each of your captors with a side of wit and charm provided by yours truly and if you've got room for it, maybe we could finish up with some chimichanga's! Whatdoyasay?"

"…you're here to rescue me?" Lillian finally managed, looking at her 'hero' incredulously.

"Yep!"

"…you?"

"You better believe it!"

Lillian blinked, trying to form a sentence, "y-you?" she clarified once more.

_This girl is thick!_

**And hot!**

_And stupid!_

**At least an eight! Maybe even a nine!**

_A seven point five. And that's generous!_

**Are you kiddin-**

"Guys, please! I'm working!" Deadpool shouted.

"Who are you talking to?" Lillian asked slowly, glancing around the otherwise empty room, confused.

"Doesn't matter! We gotta get you outta here! I made a hell of a lot of noise on my way in and back up will be here any second!" Deadpool whipped around behind her, rubbing his hands together as he inspected the handcuffs.

Lillian's mind was swimming. This was all just too much for her to take in. Everything just kept getting thrown at her and yet again she was being denied answers. Her chest was beginning to tighten. She just wanted out! She tried to focus, though, to keep level headed. There had been one this guy had said that had really stood out.

"Backup?!" Her voice rising a few octaves with the panic growing within her. "How many of them are there? Who are they?"

"I'll explain later! First thing's first, where'd you put the key to these?"

Lillian twisted around, attempting to glare at him. "I don't_ have_ them!"

"Why not?"

"Y-you're kidding me, right?" she asked, true concern in his voice. Whoever this guy was, he was _definitely_ on some strong stuff. And what the hell was he wearing?

_Is __she__ kidding us?_

**I don't think so… just play it cool.**

"Uh… yeah!" Deadpool answered, "Of course I'm kidding! This is a rescue mission! You just sit back, relax and let me worry about all this… just out of curiosity, if someone were to – hypothetically, of course – cut your hand off at the wrist, would it grow back?"

"No!" she screeched, struggling to get away from him. "Don't even think about it!"

"Ok!" Deadpool responded."Calm down, Christ!"

He was directly behind her now, out of her line of vision. She waited breathlessly, for him to speak, for him to do something. Suddenly she felt him take hold of both her wrists and shake them violently for an instant.

"Awww," he moaned, genuinely disappointed. "I thought that'd work."

There was a distant crash, a door somewhere being opened. 'Backup' had just arrived.

"Oh God…"she groaned, hanging her head, "I'm going to die."

"You are not." Deadpool replied confidently, looking up from the cuffs he was still struggling with. "This is a multi-chapter fic!"

Her brow furrowed in confusion, "_What?"_

"Not important," he told her. "But it _is_ awesome though! Do you have any idea how many chicks out there are reading this who must be creaming their pants at the thought of my daring rescue!"

Lillian looked around the empty room, feeling increasingly distressed with every word this strange man spoke to her. "Reading _what?_ Are you insane?!"

Quick as a flash, Deadpool had a fistful of Lillian's hair, pulling her head back and pressing a knife to her exposed throat.

"I don't like to be called that," he whispered menacingly.

Panic rose up within her. Whoever this guy was, he was dangerous. She could feel the cold steel blade pressed up against her racing pulse, and looked up to meet his deathly gaze.

"Okay," she said, trying her best to keep the panic from her voice. "I'm sorry. Just don't hurt me, alright? I thought you were meant to be rescuing me!"

His grip loosened instantly "Oh yeah," he said, stepping away from her and inspecting the cuffs.

Lillian exhaled shakily, straining her neck to see him, not daring to take her eyes off of him.

"I have a plan. You're not going to like it though so I'm just not going to tell you what it is."

"Wh-" BANG!

Lillian screamed and her hand flew up to shield her head from the gunshot. She was so startled that it took a moment to realise that her hands actually reached her face. She looked at the dangling broken chain from the cuffs for a moment, relief flooding through her that she was still in one piece.

"You shot at me!" she screeched, jumping to her feet.

"Told you you wouldn't like it," Deadpool said with a smirk.

She watched him in total disbelief as he strolled towards the door. He pushed it open just a little and peaked his head out for a moment.

"Coast is clear!" he exclaimed, looking back at her with a grin. "And so begins phase two. The escape! This is where it gets good, shooting bad guys, blowing stuff up, stealing a getaway car!"

Lillian was rapidly deciding that she'd be a lot safer with whoever it was that took her in the first place. For starters, this guys was a complete and utter nutjob. He'd actually just fired a weapon at her! Not to mention she had no idea who he was, or where he'd come from. He'd just barged in totally unannounced and proclaimed himself her 'knight in shining armour'… how had he even known she was there? Why did saving her matter to him?

And who was it that he was supposedly saving her from? These people hadn't given her any answers but at least they hadn't hurt her… yet. She seemed to be relatively safe where she was really. Logically, if they'd wanted her dead, they'd would have killed her already, wouldn't they? Unless it was something worse that they wanted to do with her…

The stranger's voice startled her from her thoughts.

"So! Do you know how to shoot a gun?"

"No," she answered with caution.

"Wha-come on!" he huffed. "You're the worst sidekick ever!"

"I thought I was the damsel in distress!"

"Well, I upgraded you. Your old man never specified that you couldn't get in on the action anyway.

Lillian blanched, her jaw hanging agape. "My_ Dad _sent you?"

"He hired me, babe! I'm getting paid for this!" He thrust a gun into her hands. "Now here. Hold it just like that. Point_ that_ end at things you want to kill. Squeeze the thing _here_ and BANG! Got it? Now, come on! We gotta get moving!"

Without waiting for her to respond, Deadpool turned on his heel and raced towards the door.

Lillian let out a groan and her stomach began to churn horribly. She was going to be sick. This was bad. This was definitely really bad. Without doubt, this maniac was going to get her killed… but what option did she have other than to follow him. After all, it wasn't like he was just going to leave without her now. At least he'd given her a weapon.

Still feeling queasy, Lillian moved towards the door. _Worst rescue ever._

* * *

**Sorry to have left this so long without updating! Like I said up the top, new chapter within 24 hours! Reviews are much appreciated :)**


	2. Holy Headshot, Batman!

**Okey dokey! Chapter two is go! Sorry I took so stupidly long to update! Hopefully with chapter 3 it won't be the case. Anyhow, please enjoy! And maybe leave a review? I'd love to know what you think :)**

* * *

"This is insane." Lillian muttered to herself. "This is totally insane."

Subtlety, it seemed, was not at all how Deadpool rolled. He strolled leisurely down the corridors of what seemed to be a storage warehouse (from what Lillian could make out) firing 'warning shots' at the ceiling every few metres. Lillian, who kept a few paces back from him, flinched every time.

He called it warding them off. Lillian called it wasting precious bullets.

"What's your name anyways?" Deadpool called over his shoulder, stirring her from her thoughts. "Lily, wasn't it?"

"Lillian." She corrected him.

She was attempting to stay as close to him as possible, though it made her feel as if she were in just as much danger. This guy was obviously a time bomb. Any second now she was sure he'd snap and shot them both for a laugh or something. Lillian grimaced and tried to push away the thought. She was being ridiculous. There were far more important things that she ought to be concerned about. She crossed her arms – a comfort thing – and glanced around nervously. They'd heard 'back up' busting down the door… where were they?

Deadpool didn't seem fazed at all by the sudden absence of the noise and chaos, he seemed far more concerned with casual chitchat. He turned to face her, walking backwards as he studied her. Even through his mask she could see that he scrunched up his nose in distaste. "No, I'mma go with Lily."

Lillian continued to scan their surroundings distractedly. "Whatever works for you, Spandex," she replied.

He tilted his head to study her with a smirk before firing another round of bullets at the ceiling. Lillian flinched.

"Is that really necessary?!" She asked pointedly.

"All part of the plan, babe! You know, you seem a little tense. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were scared."

"I _am_ scared!"

He seemed genuinely shocked.

"What?! I told you I got this!" Deadpool held out his arms. "Lily,_ trust me_, I've-"

Deadpool whipped around. There was noise again – voices and footsteps – just up around the corner. He cocked his gun.

**Ooohhh! Someone's coming!**

_That sounded like three? Maybe four voices?_

**I AM SO EXCITED!**

_Let's not make this too gory though, there's a lady present after all._

**Stabbity rip stab stab!**

"Come on!" Deadpool said gleefully, taking hold of Lillian's hand and dragging her forwards.

He was so excited! It had been all far too easy on the way in. No one had been on edge, no one had been aware that he was on his way. Their guards were down – he made a note to make a courtesy call ahead and let them know that he was on his way next time. Not to mention the good for nothing guns he had used to kill the first four guys! He was testing out some new ones he'd picked up and the pricks had been silencers! What was the point of a gun that didn't go 'bang'?! What kind of idiot invents something as useless as that?

Well, not this time! No siree! There was going to be blood and guts and LOUD NOISES! Deadpool was positively beaming as they rounded the corner-

Only to discover no one was there.

"Holy misleading atmosphere, Batman…" Deadpool murmured and his shoulders slumped.

"Who's Batman?" Lillian asked, puzzled.

Deadpool waved a hand absently, "Oh, he's DC. Don't worry, you won't get it."

Lillian scoffed, fast becoming used to ignoring the dribble that seemed to be all this psycho was capable of speaking.

Childishly, he stomped his foot. "Man! I can't catch a break! I thought for sure I was gunna get to kill someone! Why doesn't anyone want to shoot me?! Am I truly _that_ likeable?" he asked, utterly forlorn.

If Lillian could have raised her eyebrows any higher at the statement, they would have disappeared into her hairline.

"Don't be too sure." Came a throaty voice from behind them.

A huge man with more hair on his upper lip than the top of his head smirked at the pair. He was huge. An absolute giant! The biggest man Lillian supposed she had ever seen!

BANG!

He was dead on the floor before he had even managed to cock his gun.

Lillian stared breathlessly at the dead mound of a man. Her eyes were bugging out of her head as she glanced over to Deadpool. He'd lowered himself onto one knee with his gun still pointed to where the massive man had stood. He'd moved so fast that Lillian had missed it completely. Evidently, the fat guy had too.

Then came the sound of footsteps. For certain this time, there was someone – a group of someones – coming their way.

"Stay here," Deadpool whispered. He stood up and rounded the corner.

As silently as she could, Lillian moved to the wall and pressed herself up against it. There she stayed and waited with bated breath, flinching as the sound of several gunshots rang out. There was the thud of a body hitting the ground which was soon followed by the sound of laughter – rough, harsh laughter.

"What kind of asshole wears this kind of get up?" One of them grunted. "Looks like a freakin' Power Ranger."

"What was he thinking? Taking on the five of us. God damn moron is what."

Lillian's heart began thundering in her chest. They'd killed him. This was it, she was going to die! What if she just handed herself over quietly? Told them that she had never wanted to go with him, he'd pointed a gun at her and told her to march! Being held captive beat the hell out of being dead.

Suddenly, a gunshot sounded. A man screamed out in pain and there was the dull thud of a body falling to the floor.

"What the-"

"Sorry boys!" came Deadpool's voice. A strange mixture of dread and relief swirled within Lillian. He was alive. "You missed... BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!"

Lillian flinched and covered her ears at the sound of more gun shots. Silence rang out and she raised her head, craning her neck in an attempt to peak around the corner but it was in vein. She couldn't see anything and there was no way she was stepping out there to have a look.

"Ok!" Deadpool called. "You can come out, Lily."

"God damn it." She moaned and ever so slowly, Lillian obeyed and edged around the corner.

There he stood, proud as punch with his hands on his hips, surrounded by five dead bodies and just as many pools of blood.

"Oh God." The smell of blood filled her nostrils.

"See?"

Her stomach churned.

"Nothing to worry about! I had everything under con-"

"BLEEEGHHGH!" Lillian threw up violently in the corner.

"Eww." Said Deadpool, backing away from the wretching girl. He watched from a distance with his hand pressed quite camply to his chest in disgust until Lillian was finished.

She remained bent over for a few moments, attempted to catch her breath before she wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and stared up at Deadpool.

"Y-you killed them!"

"Of course I did!"

"They're… they're dead…"

"Yep. That tends to happen when you kill someone."

Lillian glanced at each of the lifeless faces. "These were people's sons… brothers… oh God, what if they had children?"

"Not our problem, babe." Deadpool said, reloading his gun. "You want to get out of here or what?"

Lillian nodded, still feeling quite shaken. She'd never seen a dead body before. And she'd certainly never been the cause for anyone's death. She shook her head, trying to snap out of it. She needed to have her whits about her if she wanted to make it out of there alive because, well, one of them had to.

* * *

Ten minutes and seven dead bodies later, Lillian couldn't decide whether this Deadpool guy was a complete and utter idiot, or an absolute genius.

He acted as though it was all a game. Like it was fun. But he moved and shot with such precision that it almost seemed as if it were an art form. Neither she or Deadpool had a single scratch on them, and she hadn't had to so much as raise the gun she'd been given yet! She could even see the exit at the end of the corridor they were walking along!

And just like that, she watched as a bullet flew through Deadpool's forehead and exploded out through the back of his skull. His body went limp instantly and fell to the ground.

Murphy's Law:_ If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something._

Lillian froze in horror, unable to do anything but stare at the dead man in spandex, part of her feeling awful that at such a time she was able to appreciate that if she were about to die, at least she was wearing something sensible.

Lillian let out an almighty scream as two rough hands took hold of her by the shoulders.

"There you are, chicca." The man bent down into her line of vision to study her face with a cruel grin. "Been lookin' all over for you. You and your little friend here have caused quite a bit of trouble for us."

Lillian gripped her gun and raised it, quick as a flash. She had been fast enough – _just _fast enough – to prevent the guy from drawing his own weapon. There he stood, watching her, waiting for her next move.

Her hands shook but she glared at him determinedly, her finger rested firmly over the trigger.

"Back the hell up, buddy." She ordered.

For a moment she thought he was going to obey. For a moment she thought she would be alright. But then she found herself distracted by the grunting form of Deadpool pulling himself up of the floor.

The man took the opportunity to lunge at her. She cried out in pain as he collided into her and grabbed hold of both of her wrists, attempting to wrestle the gun out of her grasp. She met his eye, he was furious. Manic. If he won this struggle, he would kill her.

She managed to line the barrel of the gun up with his forehead.

If she didn't do it now, she would die. Right there. In that god damn warehouse, Lord only knows where.

She had to do it.

She _had_ to.

Lillian gritted her teeth… and pulled the trigger. And a thin jet of water squirted out of the barrel, plastering the man's bangs to his forehead. Lillian wasn't sure between the two of them who must have looked more shocked. It wasn't something that she had time to find out as the anger crept back onto her attackers face. He released her wrists and wrapped his fingers around her throat.

Before he'd even managed to tighten his grip, the tip of a knife suddenly protruded out from his left eye. He became a dead weight on top of Lillian before Deadpool hauled him off of her and reached down to help her to her feet.

"You ok?" Deadpool asked.

"A WATER GUN?!" She shrieked, pelting it at him. It bounced harmlessly off of his chest and hit the ground. "A WATER GUN?!"

"What, you thought I'd actually give you an actual loaded weapon did ya?"

"Yes! Why the_ hell_ would you give me a water gun?"

"To make you feel safe!"

"A real gun would have made me feel-Holy SHIT! You're… you're alive!"

"Obviously!"

"But-but how?! I saw him shoot you in the head! I saw the back of your head explode. I saw-"

"I guess it was a trick of light."

"A trick of light?!"

"Yeah! You got any other explanations? Look at me, I'm standing right in front of you, not a scratch on me."

Lillian stared at him breathlessly. It had been a stressful day to say the least. Perhaps she hadn't seen what she thought she'd…

CRRRRRRRRRR!

She jumped at the sound of Deadpool pushing open the door, sunlight flowed in, making his bright red suit look all the more bright red. She waited for a few moments while he scanned their surroundings before she approached him slowly and hesitantly.

"What do you see?" Lillian whispered.

Deadpool grinned. "A getaway car!"

He grabbed her by the wrist and hauled her excitedly towards his new ride. "Come on! Coast is clear!"

Unbelievably, the door was unlocked. Deadpool leaned in and tipped the sun visor, the keys tumbled out into his hand. With a huge grin, he turned and jingled them at her. Lillian beamed.

"Piece of cake." He told her smugly.

"I can't believe you actually did it!" Lillian exclaimed, positively bouncing with excitement. "You actually got me out of there alive!"

Genius. She decided. Definitely a genius! A hero!

"Uh… yeah," Deadpool rubbed his neck awkwardly as he slowly moved around the car and popped open the trunk. "Listen babe, there is a little bit of a catch…"

Lillian's eyes widened as Deadpool held up a roll of duct tape.

* * *

This man was without doubt the most despicable human being she had ever met. The second she was untied, she was going to smack him into next week!

* * *

Archibald paced back and forth in the empty parking lot. He glanced down at his wristwatch and dabbed nervously at his sweating brow. Deadpool was late. He was supposed to have arrived half an hour ago! What if something had gone wrong? So very many things could have. In hindsight, Archibald realised what an absolute imbecile he had been to hire him in the first place. The man was a total maniac. God only knew where Lillian might have been!

It was at that moment that a car came screeching around the corner and sped into the parking lot. The driver was honking his horn manically and swerving violently to avoid the apparent invisible traffic. It had to be him.

Archibald watched as Deadpool slammed the car to a stop, was flung forward and collided with the windscreen and then climbed out of the car as if nothing had happened.

"Hey Archie!" He waved happily.

Archibald waddled forward as fast as he could manage. His heart nearly gave out when he realised that the car was empty. "Where is she?!"

"Relaaaax, she's fine. She's hog tied in the trunk." Deadpool said simply as he thumped on the boot. "How you doin' in there, sweetness?"

The reply came in the form of a muffled cry, and an angry one at that.

"Lillian! Let her out!"

"First thing's first. Where's my money?" Deadpol replied calmly.

The colour drained from the chubby face.

"-I… I uhm," he stuttered.

"Archie," Deadpool began, eyeing the sweaty man before him. "You do have my money, right?"

**I don't think he has our money.**

Archibald gaped at him for a moment, only strange gurgles escaping his lips. He was doing his best to find words amongst his panic.

"I-I had no other choice!" He exploded at last. "They told me I was never going to see her again! Word is that you're the only person crazy enough to shoot first, ask questions later. I pretended not to have heard from them – not to know who they were – so that you'd just get the job done! I couldn't risk you turning me down! If you had known how those people were you never would have-Please, let me have my daughter. She's all I've got left."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Deadpool held up both hands, clearly processing everything that Archibad had just confessed. "So you're telling me you don't have my money?"

"Please… I'm begging you, she's my only family. I'll do anything you ask. I've given you every cent I have left."

Deadpool snarled. This guy had to have been kidding him. Deadpool had never been charitable in his life (in fact, he'd stolen from a charity or two) he was _not_ about to start now!

"Tubby, I am _this_ close to turning this car around and handing her back to those guys with a nice bright red bow strapped to her head!"

_We can't do that. We killed them all!_

**Well, we have to do something! If we let this one slide people  
will think we've gone soft! We have a reputation to protect!**

_Well… What if we kept her?_

"What do you mean?"

_We hang on to her until we get our money._

**We do already have her bound up and ready for shipping.**

_Exactly! _

**Take her back to our pad. Chillax for a few days…**

"So you want us to kidnap the girl we just saved from being kidnapped?"

**Yeah!**

"…I like it!"

Archibald eyed Deadpool nervously. "Like… like what."

From inside the trunk of the car, Lillian waited with bated breath. She couldn't hear a single thing being said out there. Just muffled voices, her Dad's being one of them. She was so close to him now. All she wanted was to go home.

Suddenly a gunshot rang out followed suit by her Father screaming in pain. Lillian tried to call out to him and she kicked uselessly at the boot of the car. Her head wiped around in the darkness as she heard the front car door open and then slam shut again. The engine roared to life and Lillian let out a muffled scream against the duct tape; she was close to being paralysed with panic.

"No! NO! LILLIAN!"

It was the last thing she heard before being slammed into the side of the trunk as the car sped off, her Father's cries fading into the distance.

* * *

**Took me forever but I got there in the end! I hope the wait was worth it! :) let me know what you thought!**


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